Bipolar?

I am a very moody person.

Dan saya berbeda di setiap tempat. Di rumah saya seorang yang tidak tahu terima kasih dan kurang ajar. Saya seenaknya berteriak, memarahi, melempar, merusak semua.

Di sekolah pun berbeda. Saya dengan mudahnya mengucapkan maaf. Terima kasih. Diam. Murung. Marah, tapi kadang-kadang. Tidak selalu seperti ketika di rumah.

Dan saya tidak mengendalikan diri saya sekalipun. Saya bertindak sesuka hati. Mungkin itu sebabnya, kadang saya bertindak tidak masuk akal. Saya tahu ini salah. Tapi saya tetap melakukannya. Karena itu yang hati saya mau.

Kemaren gue ikut Psikotes & TES IQ. Di bagian psikotes, gw banyak yang bingung. Ada pertanyaan. Pilihan jawabannya ; Ya, Kadang-kadang, Tidak.

Di pertanyaan itu, di satu sisi gue akan jawab ya. Tapi gue juga mungkin untuk melakukan 'tidak'

Tapi gue malah pilih Ya, bukannya kadang-kadang.

Semua ngikutin kata hati. Dan sepertinya gue dituntun ke jalan yang salah.

Apa karena gue jarang berdoa, gue nggak tau.

Atau karena gua mengidap penyakit, nggak tau juga -_-

Abis tes itu, gw cerita ke temen gw. Trus dia bilang "Hmmm berarti lo tipe orang bipolar"

Dan gw sama sekali nggak ngerti bipolar apaan. Trus gw googling. Shit. Ternyata itu penyakit. Disorder.

Gw liat symptomps2nya apa aja....... Dan... Crap. Cocok.

Gw bisa jadi gembira berlebihan, dan dalam sekejap gw bisa sedih parah

Gw kayak orang insomnia. Susah tidur. Gw gak butuh tidur lama, tapi gw udh bisa beraktifitas kyk biasa keesokan harinya.

Dan suka ngerendahin diri gitu -_-

Trus kalo ngomong bisa cepeeeet banget, tapi kadang terbata2 juga. Itu sih gua banget. Makanya, banyak dr lu yang nggak nangkep kaaan, gue ngomong apa. Huuuuuuuuu bingung ah.

Ada lagi sih, gejala orang yang mengidap bipolar disorder.

Suka berpikiran untuk bunuh diri, dan kadang malah melakukannya.

Kalo untuk yang satu itu. Gue enggak. Mungkin ya, gue depresi sampe ngomong ke Tuhan "Ngapain sih saya dilahirkan? Ngapain saya ada di dunia ini kalau jadinya begini? Kenapa nggak saya mati aja"

Tapi itu dulu. Sekarang mungkin masih kayak gitu, tapi cuma kayak "kenapa sih gue sial terus" Tapi gue nggak pernah bener2 berpikiran untuk bunuh diri. Nggak mau. Gue takut. Dan gue masih menghargai hidup, no matter how shit it is.

Choices

"Take your pick"

she said.

Okay ini emang nggak penting.

Tapi taun depan gue gimana dan kemana?

LES : Kalo gw lulus pra pk dan bisa masuk pk, gw akan pindah ke jakarta.

SEKOLAH : Prioritas utama tetep sanur, tapi seeing my brain quality, kemungkinan gw gak masuknya juga besar. Kalo gw di sanur, gw pindah ke jakarta. Gw bakal pindah kalo gw tetep les dan sma sanur. Tapi nanti si nyokap gimana? Kantor di depok. Bokap gw malah enak, deket ke kantor, nggak usah bangun pagi. Adek gw juga, kalo udh tinggal di jkt pasti harus masuk CC atau nggak ya PL.

Tapi kalo gue nggak diterima di dua duanya? If i fail at both?

Iya sih kita harus positive thinking. Tapi gimana kalo kita berpikir positif tapi masih nggak sadar sama kemampuan kita sendiri..

Kalo gw gk les, gk keterima. Gw rumah tetep di depok, les yg deket sini, dan sekolahnya di........ nggak tau. Pilihan cuma tarki atau gonz. Gw gak mau yg lain -_- (Fuck kan, berasa pinter abis)

Godddd i really need You :( saya nggak tahu kemampuan saya segimana. saya nggak tahu saya bisa apa. dan saya bingung.

Dan itu semua tergantung sekarang.

Sekarang gue malah ngetik, bukannya belajar atau latihan. Kalau belajar, nilai ulangan bisa bagus, nilai rapor bisa bagus, dan ada kemungkinan masuk sma yg diinginkan.

Kalau latihan, siapa tau aja bisa lebih bagus lagi mainnya jadi bisa masuk pk.

Tapi.......

Tau ah gue nggak ngerti. Bingung. I need guidance.

Udah. Cukup lari dari realita nya. Cukup menghindari apa yang harus dihadapi, dan cukup larut dalam ketidakberdayaan dan kebingungannya.

Life calls. Fate awaits.

Dysfunctional

"Wow. It seems.... somewhat perfect"

It bloody does.

But no outsiders know what it feels to be inside the circle.

Our seemingly perfect, flawless, prosperous life. Is not as great as it seems. Not as great as they think. It's just.... dysfunctional.

The young man was talking to the older one. And ka-boom! His anger explodes and he doesn't have the sense in him anymore, and he forgot all the manners that has been taught. He said it all. All the things that should've been left unsaid.

Suddenly, the young is not so young anymore and the older sit still, his head bows.

Nobody in the room can control his anger. Or his fear and exasperation.

And in a split-second, it's just normal again.

The seemingly perfect life is not that perfect. Everyone has their own secrets and mysteries. The one who is left by the other half. The one who left others. The one who insist. The one who seems like doesn't feel anything. The seemingly sunshinesque life has its own deep darkness. They keep on running. Running from their reality. They keep on living the good side. They keep on avoiding the bad and problematic one.

It has its flaws. But it wasn't like this. It used to be a happy one. Until he was gone.........for good.

All the moments with him, won't be forgotten. He was the chief. He's the conqueror of our (truly) perfect kingdom. He brighten our days. We brighten his and her days. When he was here, we were still together as one. The place was as awesome, crowded, warm as ever.

He was a hero.

And when he departed, i never see her so vulnerable. She fell on her knees and wailed. She cried her heart out, and she still looks beautiful. Just like her other half. Except that her other half is lying there, soulless.

But it was time.

The moment when he told stories, the moment when he worked, the moment when he hugged, the moment when he gave love..... and the moment when he was lying in the bed, incapable to do anything.

The emperor has set off to his final destination.

And his flight, has brought the changes to our lives.

We need you. We need you to unify us. To balance us.

We need your guidance.

We miss you.

Jadi buat apa hidup?

First of all, Rest in peace ya mbak2 di grandindo dan mas2 di senayan city.

Sedih nih. Sedih krn mereka meninggalnya tragis banget,loncat dari lantai 5 di mall eksklusip. Wow, gaul. Dan sedih krn bisa2nya nyia2in berkat Tuhan dengan bunuh diri. I really don't know what the heck is going on in their heads. I have lots of frickin problem in life,but i'm wise enough to not ending it by commit suicide. Sorry, i still believe in afterlife and i still fear and believe in God. And you should too

Life is hard. Instead of avoiding problems by doing absurd things,why don't we face and solve 'em?

May God be with you all. I'm tired of studying,so i hereby lectured you with some smartypant-ish advice--in other words,opinion. Ok,now i'm the one who being preposterous,i'm off. G'bye,world.

In a matter of doing something

God has given us this.
The hands. The feet. The face. The eyes. The ears. The mouth.

And yet what do we, humanbeings, do with it?
-

"Play it with your heart"
Take a look at those so-called pianists. Take a look at them, the others, the self-proclaimed maestro.
Yeah, their effing skills must be amazed others. We were jawdropping when we saw them on the stage, touching each keys, which result a beautiful and enchanting melody.
And those melodies, is a result of the use of the ten fingers, and sometimes toes.

But really, is it that mesmerizing? Yes, they do have the techniques. The superb techniques. But what about the heart? Do their heart beats racing when they play? Or do they feel "I'm frickin awesome right now. Nobody have the skill as great as mine"
Because it's not all about techniques. It's not all about how neat and grand your performance is. It's not all about how difficult (which seems really cool for others) the musical piece you play.
It's about how you play it. It's about how you feel when you play. It's about how your heart, your mind and your soul relate to the piece.

That goes the same with dancing. "Dance your heart out!"
That's what make something feels amazing. We have this heart, and by the heart, we have this feelings. Whether it's a feeling of hurt, happy, depressed, joyful, love...And God has given us things to help us express them.
If you have the feet, the awesome long legs, the magnificent pointe and the highest saute, you're nothing if your heart isn't there with the moves you do.

Things are simply nothing if you don't use the heart with it.
Techniques + Heart+ Imagination. And that equals perfection.

And the same with someone good-looking. Someone cool, someone beautiful.
What's so cool about being tall, thin and blonde if you haven't got the brains and heart?

See? Everything that God has given to us is meant to complete one another.
And all of them don't have only one function. Each of them, can be used for many, many things. It can do a lot.

So do it. Whole-heartedly.

?

kenapa waktu cepet banget jalannya?

pl cup udah lewat, 6 bulan sama 9c udah hampir lewat, bentar lagi porseni terakhir.

dan bentar lagi udah natal. udah mau taun baru.
dan udah harus nyari SMA. belajar yg bener. ujian. kalo lulus, mulai kehidupan sma. kalo nggak? mati aja (jangan sampe)

tau ah. yang nanti ya nanti aja. nikmatin dulu apa yg ada sekarang.
if i think more about future, i'll end up wasting my time worrying for what's going to happen, instead of enjoying every minute of my present.

i don't want to die in vain.

EIGHTDAYS OF AWESOMENESS

And that eight days were over :( Just yesterday.

I've been through a lot, i learn a lot from this event. Pangudi Luhur Cup XI. 7-14 November 2009.

Gw belajar bekerja sama, belajar berorganisasi. Belajar mengkoordinasi. Dan gue belajar untuk percaya, apapun, hal sebesar dan setidak mungkin apapun pasti bisa terjadi kalo kita percaya, terus berusaha dan berdoa.

Semua gak henti-hentinya berdoa supaya PL Cup sukses. Semua terus berusaha. Terus nyari dana, terus ngecat lapangan, terus nyari band, terus nyari koneksi, dll. And guess what? We've finally MADE it.

Mungkin event itu kerasa sepele banget yaaa, tp jujur gw seneng dan bangga bgt sekolah di PL yg bisa ngadain event kyk gitu yeaheyyy :D emang mungkin masih merupakan event kecil, but hey, everything begins with small steps :D

Gilaaaaaaaaa setelah berapa lama tuh, 4 bulan kali ya? Setelah 4 bulan kerja, nyari dana akhirnya jadi juga :] makasih banyak ya buat anak dana intern, bella devy sekar kendra chika. i looooooove ya guys, really :3 we made an awesome team, aren't we? ;p dari pas awal2 yg intern bikin kue, bella devy mulai mengenal kegilaan pada satu sama lain..... acara 17an, dari yg lomba ps, drum, jualan cupcake... pas kedai yg suka pada heboh minta keluar, harus masuk, males jaga, kepanasan, kebingungan gak laku laku dan modalnya kegedean.. si sekar yang ada masalah sama ibu guru, si kendra yang suka curhat, si chika yang ada masalah di kelas sampe lupa ngitung..... maaf ya kalo gua jadi korsek yang gk bener dan suka marah2 dan kl ngomong suka gk jelas -_- i tried my best, though :p
Hmmmm trus intern ngapain lagi ya?Ohyaa, bikin kardus! Buat kotak seribu untuk sejuta pas pre event. Trus kita juga bikin mini pre-event sabtu ceria yeaheyy. Nonton dvd2 di ruang doa, lomba gitar dia aula dll. sekar kendra chika tau kan kesalahan gua apa aja makanya taun depan harus lebih baik lagi ya :]
Trus kita juga ngolekin donatur2. Ada yang ngasih seratus ribuuu aja, kita udh kesenengan. Duitnya suka dipegang tessa, trus kalo ada yang mau ngambil tessa langsung meluk2 amplop nya trus kl gk slh bilang "ini anakku, jangan direbuuuut!" atau apa gue lupa heheh intinya gitu lahh. Pas hari pertama kita ngolekin, kt dapet banyaaaaaak bgt dan gw bener2 bersyukur. Cabut seharian gak papa, tapi menghasilkan :]

Yahh udah gak ada lagi deh tuh cabut2 -_- ngadem di ruang osis, nyadap di ruang bruder, gosip bareng anak intern pas rapat akbar. huuuu :(

Kemaren pas closing juga seruuuuuu, band2 nya cool. Gw kira yang metal2 gak jelas eh ternyata nggak, even i enjoyed it :) Amazing In Bed is just AMAZINGGGG. I interviewed them and wowwww. The best thing about indie bands are they're soo humble and friendly. Harusnya artis2 major label pun punya sikap kayak mereka :p Trus pas contentless kembang apinya dinyalain, trus pada nangis2an bahagia. tailahhh i'm so happyyyy! langsung peluk2an dan nangis2an sama anak intern. it's over! but we fucking did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sama anak dana lainnya juga, anak eksternnnn. sachi vida jessy dll wowww we made it guys :D

meskipun selama PL Cup hujan, ada halangan2, tapi akhirnya jadi juga yeayy

THANK GODDDDDDDDD :)


I'll never forget you guys. Pangudi Luhur Cup XI's CREW. KEEP YOUR SPIRIT UP AND BE THE ONE <3


Zillion love to you guysssssssss xoxo